Inspiration

Beauty inspires me. The picture in my mind of what something could become makes me tingle. I get breathless with anticipation of what thing of beauty can be made, found or conjured.

Change inspires me. You are challenged and beaten but you are able to get up and meet these head-on. We can't always be sure that where we thought we'd end up is in fact our final destination.

My friends inspire me. I have amazing people in my life and they inspire me to do more, be more and think more. Without these people it would be much harder to find either beauty or inspiration.


My family inspire me. Although I was certain that I was adopted growing up, I have long made peace that although I am very different from my siblings they are as much part of me as I of them. No distance can tear us apart and no challenge is too difficult to overcome.


My husband inspire me. If you have ever met him you would know that I do not need to elaborate any further...

Of all the things and people, I am most inspired by my daughter. She embodies all the things that inspire me. She inspires me to care more, love deeper, be more creative allow me to look at life differently and to be different. She challenges my point of views and inspires me to find answers.

She inspires me to be a better mother, wife, sister and friend. In short a better person who cares about beauty far more than just the face value. She challenges my understanding of legacy. She forces me to worry about the life we lead and the world we will ultimately leave behind. She make me examine my past and embrace all that is part of me as it becomes part of her. My mistakes and the lessons learned can not be conveniently forgotten, they need to be woven into the fabric of my present and my future.As it becomes part of her.

In principle my daughter has not provided my life with meaning but have inspired me to look at who I am and where I came from and what I thought was meaning. What I believe in and what I wish to achieve.

You can either just carry on with your life and think that living in itself is a purpose or you can find inspiration in the things you see, do and aspire to. The things you long for, the beauty in your life and the challenges you face. In the people you meet and those you have know forever.

You can get stuck in thinking that parenting is all about instruction or you can open your mind. You might just be inspired...

Life is unfair

Bad things should not happen to "good" people... yet it does. Suck it up and deal with it.

On a daily basis you are confronted with mismatched cause and effect. Karma is whoring herself on acid and a game of Russian roulette most probable with your life. Individuals enrich themselves while masses starve, children fall ill - die. It might not come as a surprise when you start looking at the world that it is rather a Brothers Grimm tale without the happy ending that a Disney production filled ith song and dance.

Should we however become disheartened by the fact that human nature dictates that people look for short-cuts? That the route chosen by an individual only depends on their interpretation of acceptability and mores?  YOU decide what type of person you are, you however do NOT by default dictate the life you lead.

Am I pessimistic? NO. I am having a bad day and I am questioning all those feel good clichés that's supposed to make me feel better about life and the universe.

I believe in purpose - you should learn from experience. I however also think that you should keep an open-mind and be realistic. Question and try to find the meaning in things that go wrong and celebrate things that go right. Try to recapture the miracle of just being alive and being able to love. Care and be cared for.

Is life fair? No. Is it great to be alive? Yes. Regardless of who you are know that you are in control of your attitude towards life. THAT more than anything else will dictate how you feel about your life.

Ek is weg...

Om 'n ouers te wees is nie maklik nie. Mens maak daagliks foute en jy glo en hoop dat jy uit jou foute leer. Jy hoop ook dat jy jou kind 'n paar foute kan spaar maar in die meeste gevalle sal jou kind hul eie paadjie stap en hul eie foute maak. Dit is egter erg as jy na 5 jaar se ouerskap een dag asof wakker word en net weet dat jy nie "jy" is nie - jy het in daardie slaggat getrap en jy is "iemand" se ma.

'n Eie identiteit is so belangrik. Ek meen dit is die geskenk wat ons ons kinders wil gee. Hoe is dit dan moontlik dat mens so van jouself kan wegdryf? Daar is 'n statistiek wat ek êrens gehoor het, (ja ek weet baie wetenskaplik), wat lui dat baie huwelike faal in die eerste 2 jaar na 'n nuwe baba. Ek kan dit verstaan. Dink net... jy het 'n nuwe "titel", 'n fokus en plan. Om nie eens te noem dat jy 'n hulpelose, nie-kommunikatiewe suigeling het wat jou sintuie en hormone omdolwe nie. Dan praat ek nog nie eens van die nuwe ma nie ;-)...

Ek dwaal egter af... wat ek wil sê gaan nie oor die probleme in 'n huwelik met 'n baba nie, ek wil praat van daardie wegraak van EK... Daardie persoon met 'n (persoonlike) ruimte - wat so anders is as wat jy nou is.

Ek het gister wakker geword en geweet EK is weg, verdwaal, misplaas, vermis en toe ek so bietjie daaroor gedink het, het ek agtergekom dat ek al vir omtrent 7 jaar nie meer hier is nie.

Nee liewe leser moenie dink ek is nou finaal die kluts kwyt nie, ek is maar net eerlik. Sien tussen "deadlines" en kliënte daaglikse rondslomp.... het ék verlore geraak. Daar was ek so vasgevang dat ek nie eens agtergekom het dat die essensie van my weg is nie. So is een van my grootste drome bewaarheid in 'n tyd toe ek nie eens daar was nie. Ek het swanger geraak en 'n pragtige dogter gehad. Daar was al die weelde van 'n suksesvolle vooruitboerder soos ek, maar nou in die terugkyk was ek al klaar "missing".

Die sprankel en pret van my was weg en is in 'n groot mate steeds. Daardie gewaarwording dat ek nie tans myself is nie, is versterk deur die weerkaatsing van iets bekends, iets prettigs en parmantig selfs sjarmant. Daardie bekende wat soms asof deur mis deurskemer. Die dag toe ek vir langer as 'n flietende oomblik voor myself te staan gekom het en geweet het dat daardie persoon werklik EK is...

So hierdie gaan oor meer as 'n soeke na die self - hierdie gaan oor wegraping, doolhowe, "puzzles", misleiding. Sodat jy nie eens wéét jy is weg nie. Hierdie liewe leser is 'n uitdaging om na jouself in die spieël te kyk en te sien of jy nog daar is.

Hierdie is 'n uitdaging om jouself te gaan soek...